For the past few days I still felt the pain to blog, but I figured I need to come to terms with it and start to move on.
We lost the match to MJ, and therefore, lost our chance to proceed into the next round for the tournament. The 1st set in my opinion, sucked like crazy but the 2nd we deuced to a score of 29-27. We fought really, really hard but still lost in the end, same goes for the entire season.
I don't really know why winning has always eluded us since when we first joined volleyball. In Year 4, we lost the chance of progressing by just 1 set. I cried for a week, and felt my heart break. In U16, we won most of the matches but still failed to progress to the next round. I might have attributed it to a lack of skills, lack of hard work then because now I really know what is hard work.
We have endured mental pain from doing power training, constantly having to push ourselves to the limits, and to push others. From trying to make something out of nothing, from proving to ourselves we can make it, from achieving what others thought impossible. We have endured physical pain as well, from huge flowering bruises to sprains, from cuts to injuries. But we grinned and bore it, and rose above it all.
With the last set well fought, we have bowed out of the tournament graciously. From the first day when we entered the courts people looked at our school name in confusion. We were a new team, a black horse. People didn't know anything about us at all. But we have made a point that we will be a force to be reckoned with, and next year we will prove it.
I cried hard. For the disappointment, for it's such a pity, for letting down certain individuals, for time is running out. "There's always next time." But if you look at it, I only have one more "next time", in 2009. I cried because I felt at a loss, because the competition was all I had in mind and now it's gone, I don't know what to hope for, what to fight for, what to think of anymore.
Countless tournaments I have played and lost, and honestly the feeling sucks through and through. But as each one passes I have not lost hope, but instead have more determination to work harder and harder for the next. Till now, I still haven't lost hope and I wonder if it's a good thing or a bad one.
Also cried for it seemed like we didn't reap what we sowed but in retrospect, we reaped something more other than a medal. Looking at a bigger picture, for a team of only a few months, to come this far was a feat. For Adie to spike so well, Vanessa to set soooooo oh my gosh superbly, for Wanting to be a super good receiver, for Mabel and Jiahui to improve so so much, guess we've reaped something afterall.
I've grown stronger mentally, to take things as they are and if they are bad, to make the best out of it. I've shed less tears (though comparatively, more than the rest still) and learnt to be in control. I've learnt to play smarter, I've learnt the tricks of the game. I've improved a lot a lot thanks to the 'coaches', and they pulled me out of a rut. I guess that's the trade-off then, losing something to gain more.
We've gained something as a team too, strong friendships with better understanding of each other, and we're able to see how much support we have from the people around us. And with Mr Tay and Mr Ng they haven't just been a teacher IC. They are coaches, teammates, advisors, friends. The countless dinners and rides in their cars, the laughter and the jokes, that we'll never forget.
We're taking a hiatus from training till after common tests, to recuperate from exhaustion from training continuously, for our sprains and injuries to recover, for us to concentrate on studying now. I feel a bit empty without trainings but it doesn't mean I'll hang up my knee guards for now.
I guess the biggest gain of all, playing volleyball is that it has honed me to be a fighter.
I have not given up, and have never given in but I know:
I have given it my all.
